Week 7: Cultivating Gratitude: Seeing the Good in Every Experience
Gratitude of the Week: I am grateful that I have learned through every experience in my life, especially the most difficult and unfavorable experiences, that they have taught me valuable lessons that has shaped who I am today.
The Lens of the Unhealed
Every experience that I have encountered in my life so far have not been the best. But what does that even mean? It’s perspective. In my 20’s when I reflected on horrible experiences that I endured, it was very difficult to see the good in any of them. To be quite honest, I never stopped to even think if anything good had come out of them. In my younger years, my emotions had a stronghold over me, so I was always severely distraught and looking for answers on why things had happened to me. I felt overwhelmed, abandoned, and disappointed often and it weighed heavily on my heart. Consistently feeling those emotions so deeply consumed me and I lived in a “woe is me” state of mind. Unbeknownst to me back then, that mindset held me back from moving forward.
I had always hoped and wished that things would improve for me, but it often seemed like it never did. There was always something that was going wrong, and I could never grasp onto better life situations for myself. Over the years I just loaded more and more emotions on top of each other and lived through the pains with no form of processing the experiences. I noticed that over time, I lacked the recollection of the positive or good times within those experiences. Not comprehending why was yet another emotional rollercoaster. To only remember the bad and not the good made no sense and it was extremely frustrating. That was until I learned that the blockage of details in experiences was a trauma based protective mechanism.
When constantly stacking traumatic experiences without processing what happened, the body enters survival mode. Most times we unconsciously bury these memories deep within to almost try and forget what had happened. But those memories remain deep within us. For example, seeing, smelling, or hearing something can quickly trigger a memory and take us right back to that experience. This takes us to the importance of processing experiences which ultimately leads to healing. Perspective is everything and that can only be broaden by putting in the work to comprehend in effort to heal.
As I began therapy, we went down many rabbit holes finding roots spread all over which explained the pains that I was enduring. Having the space to safely go back to traumatic times and discuss emotions that were pinned inside was the beginning of my healing journey. It was as simply as acknowledging how the these affected me and being allowed to feel how I felt worked more than I could have ever imagined. Previously I thought that I needed to confront people which created deep hatred inside but really, I just needed to acknowledge things for myself. Sometimes you must learn to heal without people and though the process is hard, the results are like a breath of fresh air. Although situations that occurred were not my fault, they were my problem, so I needed to take healing into my own hand.
A Change in Perspective
There is magic that occurs when you take the time to heal and grieve painful experiences. First, you can feel, acknowledge, and comfort the pains that were initially neglected. Second, your memories begin to open back up to things that you believed you had forgotten. This is because the pinned down emotions created a blockage and when you process those emotions, your memory has room to return to the forefront. And last, you begin to develop and have an appreciation for the good moments and learn how the traumatic moments taught you lessons that has helped you move forward in life.
I believed that I had lost so many memories from my childhood, college, and my time in the Army. I struggled with the fact that trauma had caused me to forget the good experiences and that weighed heavy on me. I relied on old videos and photos to try and jog my memory but during my childhood and college, technology was not where is today. Kids today will have a plethora of videos and photos when they get older. I remember I had a thought of, “I wish I knew what I sounded like when I was younger.” I just wanted to see my younger self aside from a hand full of photos that I possess. Even in college, I wish that I had more to look back on. But, through healing I started to remember things that I had forgotten for decades which brought upon a peace and gratitude within me.
Having the ability to unlock memories gave me the opportunity to piece together memory gaps. I begin to feel more complete and even happier because I started to remember and reflect on the good times that I had. Simply knowing that through the challenging times things were not all bad simply made me grateful. I remembered things that I accomplished that made me proud of myself. Being able to go back and in time and be proud of myself drove me to let go of the fact that no one else truly reminded me that I was great, and they were proud of me. The things that I needed for myself and believe that I did not receive in the past, I now go back internally and give it to myself. The encouragement, the uplifting, the love, the appreciation, the acknowledgement overall all, I gave it to me.
When I saw families together or young adults having fun, I was filled with envy, jealously, and heartbreak within me because I felt sad about not having those experiences. But today, when I see them, I smile because I am happy for them. My internal healing has transformed my perspective from “I never had those and wish I did” to “I am happy for them and grateful that they are having a good experience” and I smile. I have built and internal peace so that I can view, accept, and acknowledge the peace that I see externally. I no longer feel sad and hopeless but grateful and hopeful. This transformation has been life changing. Now I move about in the world with the ability to be present and aware. Also, I can share my experiences through an optimistic lens and people ask, “how or why are you so optimistic all of the time.” I tell them a few things that is relevant to the situation and what I have learned, and I feel more appreciation to myself to use these experiences to help others instead of feeling like a victim of my circumstances.
If this post resonated with you or you would like to share, feel free to contact me at hello@TheBriannaAmanda.com