Understanding the Forgotten Importance of Friendships in Today’s Society
In the modern society, friendships seemed much more intimate and closely knit. In today’s society people seem lonelier, lacking social skills, therefore have less friendships than decades ago. The internet has given society access to many things faster than the speed of light but intrusively impeded on people’s ability to rely on the fundamentals of creating and maintaining relationships. Pre-internet, relationships were mostly confined to geographical locations, a smaller diameter to reach others. This included traveling to work, to school, hanging out at parks, movie theaters, coffee shops, grocery stores, shopping centers, etc. All these places centered around communities in which people interacted and were exposed to others.
As the digital world imploded, indirect exposure to people in other locations around the world increased. In addition to that, people began to see lifestyles that others lived outside of their intimate communities. The introduction of social media has created envy from the lifestyles that are displayed by others resulting in a lack of appreciation for their personal situation. This has caused an epidemic of mental health issues resulting in people opting to be more isolated rather than going out to meet others.
Reflecting on my personal status with friends, now, I have one. When I think about other people that I used to call friends, I like to analyze my actions and ponder on whether I made the correct decision to part ways. The times that I look back and reflect I return to the same conclusion, that I made the right decision. I remember when I was in college in 2009 and I began to attend this church which pushed me to separate from my college friends. After a couple of years, I came to the realization that the church was a cult and I removed myself from that environment. When I left that church, I called every friend that I had parted ways with and apologized for my actions. I took that route because it was simply the right thing to do, it was about integrity to me. That is the type of person that I am, always looking to grow for the sake of myself and others.
The people that I thought were friends, I looked at their actions and they simply did not align with what I believed to be true friendship. I can honestly say that I have always been a person that gave too much and received little to none in return. Alcohol played a major role in my tolerance for dealing with lopsided friendships. I thought that when we got together and drank, we had fun and that was enough. But I finally came to my senses and saw the true conduct of others, I provided true and genuine friendship to them, but I did not receive the same level of friendship.
I realized that friendship is loosely cherished, very much conditional. I treated friends like family. The most interesting part about that is that when I realized how toxic my family truly was, I went no contact. That decision further solidified that in my sobriety I developed a zero tolerance for disrespect and lopsided relationships. Within the last year I truly started to understand myself and how empathetic I have always been. I now understand that I was so emotionally invested in those who I said that I love. I allowed people to use and abuse my empathy and with a lack of understanding I thought this is how relationships were supposed to be. This was unhealthy and I am grateful that I now understand the difference.
The one friend that I have has become a brother to me. Throughout our service in the Army, both of us had our individual personal ups and downs post service. We call each other with good news and bad news, when struggling and doing well. He may not call so much when he is struggling but when I call to check on him, he opens up about what he is dealing with. When I am at my lowest, he almost always answers the phone. If he is unable to, he will shoot me a text, “Bri are you okay, I am a little busy right now, but I can call you later.” The sheer consistency and gratitude that I have for him is deeply appreciated. It is a very healthy and growth-based friendship. Neither of us drink anymore and we talk about the importance of a sober mind to tackle inner issues.
It seems that in the world today we lack the understanding of the importance of connectedness. We are interdependent beings, social beings, we need each other to build and grow. The world has spread to such an independent mindset that people only have care and concern for themselves. Transactional relationship has imploded. The tribal effect has dwindled down and togetherness lost is importance. According to Carolyn Bruckmann, Harvard Kennedy School MPP ’25, “If we don’t consciously reshape our priorities and re-learn how to cultivate meaningful relationships, we risk a future where connection—one of the most fundamental sources of happiness and well-being—fades into the background of our lives.” Mental health has become and widespread epidemic, many are not happy and cannot seems to find happiness, and that is because we have socially accepted these independent world views and cling to what we see on social media lacking appreciation for our own lives.
People tolerate people for the sake of not being alone. When people say that they have many friends, I am always curious, and they are always shocked that I only have one. A coworker who always speaks of different friends told me a story of one of her friends. She said when they were in middle school, the girl got mad and made cookies with laxatives in them and shared them with people who made her angry, which included my coworker. She also mentioned that they went on a backpacking trip in Europe and her friend dropped her journal and the opening page was stick figures of her friend stabbing her and slicing what she wrote as “left artery” and she was laughing. Another coworker and I said that that was concerning but she just laughed it off. My thought after this conversation was, it amazes me the things that people tolerate from others just to call them a friend. It made me understand why I do not have many friends, my tolerance changed, and I do not accept certain behaviors. I am grateful for my personal growth and if I make friends in the future cool, if I do not, cool too.
If you have thoughts on the world of friendships, feel free to email me at hello@TheBriannaAmanda.com