Week 8: My Appreciation, Acceptance, & Execution of the Basics

I am grateful that I have been consistent with assessing my situations and embodying the courage to make choices with confidence.

This past week I made a vital last-minute decision. I decided to leave my seasonal job three months early. The job was supposed to range from May until October. What brought about such an abrupt decision? There were a variety of things that drove me to make the decision but ultimately the final decision came from assessing my mental and physical health. I enjoyed the people that I worked with and the money that I was making but what makes me happiest is when I know that I have a grasp on my physical and mental health which I noticed was slipping away.

Physical Health

When I arrived at the seasonal job, I was in the best shape of my life. I was training consistently and I had a very simple diet that worked for me. The job was in the Adirondack mountains, so I was not quite aware of the location that I was going to, but I was definitely up for the challenge. I brought all the workout gadgets that I could including dip bars, dumbbell, parrellettes, and attachments for versatile strength training. I even purchased trail running shoes. Although training was going well, I was still dealing with sciatic pain on my right side.

The second day of being there, I went on a nice long run up and down the hills. The terrain was much different from what I was used to, but I was excited for the progress that I would make from running in the mountains. But, after a few weeks of running, my sciatic pain worsened. Because I still had mild irritation, running up and down the hills became too much and further irritated the nerve. I had to make the tough decision to take time off from running and just walk the trails to focus more on stretching and mobility. I accepted this adjustment initially, but when I began running again and the pain came back, I was discouraged and depressed.

I was sick of walking the trail because all I wanted to do was run, but I couldn’t. I still did other strength training, but running was my bread and butter, my coffee in the morning, the dopamine spike that kept me hopeful and accomplished. After some time, my disciple and enthuse for physical training slowly began to dwindle away.

Mental Health

The decline of maintaining my physical health started to take a major toll on me mentally. I was eating like crazy from cakes, cookies, brownies, excess food, ice cream almost every day, and much more. The constant eating all day was giving me a dopamine spike that I normally relied on from training. Each day of this nonsense made me so upset with myself. By journaling almost daily, I was witnessing my decline each day. I almost wanted to stop journaling because I saw the patterns in my journal entries of defeat, frustrations, depression, desire for more, and contemplation.

I continued to try and pick myself up but everyday became more difficult. I saw myself gaining weight and out of breath more often, I was torn. I had so many thoughts of all my hard work and progress going down the drain. But at the same time and I kept pushing myself to show grace and compassion, so I managed to stay afloat. In addition to these struggles, there were upper management situations that I disagreed with that become intolerable. I believed that if I was able to train how I was used to, I may have been able to tolerate things a bit more, but I had too much going on within me.

With battling all these things, I asked myself, “why am I still here?” That question drove me to analyze why I came, how is it going, and what will be my next move. To be honest, the bad outweighed the good and my time there had reached its expiration. I only wanted to stay because of the money, so I realized that staying was not in my best interest. So, I made the tough yet easy decision to part ways. I felt much relief for leaving but I was left with many internal thoughts of going backwards.

Appreciation, Acceptance, & Execution of the Basics

Despite this challenging experience, I have a deeper appreciate for my time in therapy and the foundation that I have created for myself. I have truly learned and maintained the ability to graciously access my situation, how I am feeling, and what is the next step that I would make. I noticed that even through tough times, I take time to acknowledge and assess my feelings and how they are affecting me. This allows me to process my emotions and not bottle up things internally. Processing emotions creates the mental space to accept what is going on and logically plan for my next step. This has been a life changing process that I appreciate that I have in my toolbox.

Reassessing my initial plan for the seasonal job was another experience highlighting that sometimes plans may change which does not mean that I am a failure. I met a few goals, I learned more about myself, I learned more about nature, and I encountered a group of individuals that I have never encountered before and I am grateful. The abrupt change brought relief and anxiety because my next plan was to relocate in October, but July seemed way too soon for a few reasons.

And this leads to the importance of getting back to the basics, figuring out what is going on right now, what can I control and what will be my next single move. Breaking things down into small actions allows my anxiety to be more manageable, not thinking too far ahead. This has allowed me to slow things down and remember that I have time. I keep SMART goals in mind, specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and timely goals.

Making abrupt decisions can be tough but we all individually yet collectively encounter these challenges. If this resonates with you, feel free to contact me at hello@TheBriannaAmanda.com